12 Hilarious IT Memes That'll Make Pennywise Seem Hilarious

First off, I hope everyone is staying healthy and safe at home. If you’re like me (that is, currently unemployed and demotivated to hell), you’re probably watching a lot of movies. My sister and I watch one every night (aside from Sunday, reserved for Westworld), so I started to keep track. Here’s a list of each one so far; I’ve scored each using the four star method, with the lowest score being half a star, and based my ranking on how much I enjoyed the film, irrespective of how “good” the movie actually is. For example, Tremors is a cult hit that some of my favorite reviewers recommend, but I found it quite dry and poorly paced. So, with that in mind, here are the movies, ranked from worst (in my opinion) to best.
Spoiler alert for literally everything.
The worst movies we saw:
King Kong (2005) – 0.5 out of 4 stars
Anyone who remembers loving this film fifteen years ago (I mean, I did) seriously needs to watch it today. I’ve never witnessed a film so overstuffed with content, yet so shallow and vapid. The editing is an unparalleled nightmare, with cuts so fast they started to cross my eyes. An utterly exhausting experience and true premonition of what was to come of Peter Jackson’s downfall with the Hobbit franchise. This is where it all started to crumble.
2. The Bee Movie (2007) – 0.5 out of 4 stars
Jerry Seinfeld’s wealth and influence is the only explanation for what is surely one of the worst high-budget, Hollywood animated films of the twenty-first century. Tons of dry, adult humor that would soar over parents’ heads, let alone their kids, and a plot that blends a metaphor for the monotony of regular life with nonsensical kid-logic where a Bee can flirt with a human. It wasn’t even so-bad-it’s-good; the memes do this movie way too much justice.
3. Guns Akimbo (2019) – 0.5 out of 4 stars
An edgelord director makes a cheap VOD rip-off of John Wick and drags Daniel Radcliff down with him. There are almost no positives here, what with a metric ton of lame “gamer” jokes, terrible editing, inconsistent sound design, and bad acting all around. If this were a college student’s project, I would be so impressed, but it feels more like a goth teenager from 2010 made it in their back yard. This premise is wasted on a few decent jokes related to putting on pants with guns bolted to someone’s hands. Overall, I shame-walked my way out of this movie with a bad taste in my mouth.
4. Into the Grizzly Maze (2015) - 0.5 out of 4 stars
Jaws with a bear. James Marsden. Thomas Jane. Billybob Thorton. Direct to streaming. Base Adobe After Effects plugins. A greenscreen bear. Watch literally anything else. Yes, I paid to rent it. No, I’m not proud.
5. Dangerous Lies (2020) - 0.5 out of 4 stars
Another one to fill up the Netflix servers. A dull mystery, like if Knives Out was pumped full of Quaaludes and half the cast disappeared. The most famous actress they got is from the show Riverdale, and they name drop her in the title of the trailer on YouTube, if that tells you anything. The screenwriter is a sheltered fool with no understanding of how laws work and the story feels like the dramatization of a college student’s short story in their Composition 1 class, where there are some ideas at play but they still have to, you know, learn how to write. Generally embarrassing for all parties involved, especially anyone who watched it.
The still-bad-but-not-horrendous reviews:
The Golden Compass (2007) – 1 out of 4 stars
Tons of money, Daniel Craig, and Nicole Kidman couldn’t save this poor man’s version of The Chronicles of Narnia if it tried, and boy did it try. This is a case of the movie seemingly getting the source material right, and that being the wrong decision, considering it’s really, really stupid. Sure, the anti-organized religion themes are pretty cool for a kid’s movie, but the talking animals make zero sense in the story and have fuck all to do with anything that matters. The rules are unclear, the stakes are low, and ultimately, it all feels like a waste of time.
2. Underwater (2020) – 1 out of 4 stars
Ah, another Alien clone. Just kidding, this movie isn’t even as good as most clones (looking at you, Life). The movie offers about three seconds to the viewer before the plot literally explodes and pushes the “story” along. Remember meeting the crew in Alien, and how it takes forever for someone to die, but when they do, it sucks because you liked them? This movie was asleep during that part. It just goes and goes, meaningless, nameless characters die and die, and the monsters are cheap looking until the Cthulhu reveal, who’s the villain just because (this is how I assume the movie was pitched).
3. Event Horizon (1997) – 1 out of 4 stars
People love this movie, and this was my second viewing. How it’s a cult classic is beyond me. There are a few nice practical and CGI shots (also a ton of bad CGI, but it was the nineties), and some cool, weird set design, but otherwise, the plot is boring and predictable. My sister called it “It in space” which I think is apt, considering the evil force on the ship acts like Pennywise for some reason. Also, the famous the blood orgy? The Hell world? It makes up about twenty seconds of the hour and forty-minute runtime and is as tame as Sunday afternoon brunch. Honestly, this is another King Kong where people have faded memories and don’t remember the real movie, which, may I remind you, was directed by the genius behind the Resident Evil film franchise.
4. The Trust (2015) – 1 out of 4 stars
Talented directors with real skill behind the camera, great lighting, and beautiful cinematography; all of it for nothing, because the script is absolutely terrible. Poor Elijah Wood: he gets to work with Nic Cage, who, for the first time I’ve ever seen, is completely phoning it in. This could have been a wonderful black comedy, and it tries to be, except it’s shot like a spinoff of the Jason Bourne series. Everything is so miserable and serious, so flat and joyless; after thirty minutes, I realized that no one has any idea what their character motivation is. Random things happen and we’re supposed to believe it. What a waste.
5. Tremors (1990) – 1.5 out of 4 stars
God, I wanted to love this. I love practical, low-budget effects and a big goofy monster. I love the premise, the small-town townsfolk, the wooden acting. But honestly, this movie was too boring and joyless during any scene not involving one of the worm monsters. There were some awesome and creative sequences, but ultimately, I realized I couldn’t care less about any of the characters due to the weak script and dialogue. As a result, the movie felt four hours long. I was genuinely disappointed with this one.
6. The Simpsons Movie (2007) – 1.5 out of 4 stars
Again, when was the last time you actually sat down and watched this movie? The Simpsons is my favorite animated television show and featured some of the best comedy writing for the small screen in history, period. I quote lines almost every day. But the movie was edited hyper-fast, and while filled with a lot of good jokes, most of them felt like they were written in a vacuum. The story and comedy don’t gel at all, instead opting for two separate trains of thought. There are twenty-minute episodes from 1999 of the show that tell a better, more meaningful tale than the feature film, and that’s a tragedy.
7. Killer Workout (1987) – 2 out of 4 stars
This is a terrible film, made by a pervert who wanted to get hot young women into workout clothes, and have a killer who murders people with a giant safety pin (is that some kind of pun?). For all intents and purposes, it’s disgusting; but watching this D-level, horny director make this movie just for an excuse to jerk it in the editing bay is a spectacle to behold. Many belly laughs were had during our screening, but it’s hard to really recommend this unless you adore awful, awful filmmaking.
8. Samurai Cop (1991) – 2 out of 4 stars
Move over The Room. See you in hell, Troll 2. This movie makes those look Oscar-worthy. The only reason it has a lower score is because, despite being made by a bunch of incompetent jokers with mismatched cameras, barely any sound equipment, and the worst actors ever assembled, it can drag its feet quite a bit. This was my second viewing, and I have to say, I did become a bit bored. But if you’ve never watched it, it’s free with Amazon Prime, so what are you waiting for? Also, if anyone knows the names of literally any character, please let me know; that’s still a mystery to me.
9. Onward (2020) – 2 out 4 stars
Another safe installment from the immense talents over at Pixar. I was pretty let down by this movie, which had an interesting premise (also a very good ending) and good actors involved. But ultimately, the story is just Finding Nemo again, which, at the time, was told better, had more at stake, and left a long-lasting impact on cinema as a whole. All Onward is going to do is fade into Disney+ obscurity, despite the breathtaking animation, which is some of the best in the studio’s history. Seriously, watch the scene where the older brother drifts his van in front of the school, it looks incredible.
10. Stuber (2019) – 2 out of 4 stars
Movies like this usually get crap critic scores and great user ones. Was is a masterclass in storytelling? No. Did it have the best jokes I’ve ever heard? No. Was it a well-meaning, decently acted, and funny little adventure? Damn right. Sometimes you just want a good time, and this movie can give it to you. It’s nothing amazing, and it’s not horrible, but if you like Kumail Nanjiani, then hey, you’ll probably like this too. Also, Dave Bautista was pretty fun throughout as well.
11. Vivarium (2020) – 2 out of 4 stars
If this had been a half-hour long shot film, it would have been perfect. Good casting, a brilliant premise, and interesting visual style art marred by a director who has zero ideas on how to expound upon it all to create a feature film. Instead, he tries to distract his audience with a few new mysteries to solve, which end up as solution-less time-filler in order to get to the original short film’s obvious ending, which is spoiled by some nonsense arthouse symbolism about birds. Its deceptive how bad this movie actually is once the credits role; the only reason it scores so high is because of how good the first act is.
Now for the pretty good reviews
Wish Upon (2017) – 2.5 out of 4 stars
I can see your jaws dropping right about now, so rest assured, this movie sucks. But it was written by what seems like a two hundred-year old man trying to understand millennials, and it’s so accidentally hilarious I have to tell you all to give it a try. It’s the least scary teen-scream flick in a long time and the ending had me jumping out my seat, roaring with laughter. It’s shot like an anti-smoking advertisement, will dull, flat light and no colors to speak of. The actors are as equally bad as the script; I don’t know what directors see in Joey King that I don’t, but she makes one of the least likable protagonists in a horror film to date.
2. 47 Meters Down: Uncaged (2019) – 2.5 out of 4 stars
I know, I know, your jaws are still on the ground. This VOD sequel to the totally underwhelming and dull original features several plain teenagers scuba diving in an underwater cave system, with a blind great white shark on their tail (yay, more puns). The acting is atrocious, there’s a scene where a fish literally screams at them underwater, and they have an imaginary comms system that somehow lets them all yammer on throughout the movie while also diving. But I watched this as a double feature with Underwater, and this was so much more fun in comparison. Lots of schlocky deaths, stupid scares, and every law of physics broken, which makes this a good popcorn flick to watch with friends (especially during a pandemic).
3. Color Out of Space (2019) – 2.5 out of 4 stars
I love The Thing, like I’m sure you all do. And this was a pretty good homage to the John Carpenter-era of eighties horror films. It even gets the cosmic horror elements (mostly) right. But this is one of the only times where I’d recommend not casting batshit insane Nic Cage for your movie. He actually detracts from the otherwise shocked and terrified family members who help ground the emotional core of the script. He seems to be off in his own world on this one, which ends up making the family dynamic disjointed rather than relatable. There are some true horror moments (mom and baby fused together, ew) that I’ll remember for a long time, but it does fall a bit short to the classics with hindsight.
4. The Rocketeer (1991) – 3 out of 4 stars
I’m twenty-five and have never seen this movie. This is a criticism of my parents, of course, who probably didn’t see it either since it was a flop at the time. But what a wonderful action adventure for any age, with great practical effects, and a fun story featuring our hapless, aloof hero fighting a secret Nazi spy who’s also a movie star. He screws up his relationship with Jennifer Connelly and has goes through daring feats to win back her affection. It’s funny, charming, and warm; I mean, what makes you get all soft and fuzzy like mobsters teaming up with the FBI to kill Nazis? I miss this Disney!
5. Sky High (2005) – 3 out of 4 stars
My sister begged to watch this one night. “When’s the last time you saw it?” she said. Over and over. I heard the premise; I thought it was stupid. I was sort of right, but the purposely cheesy performances from everyone, and seeing Kurt Russel and Bruce Campbell as lame superheroes, was actually really entertaining and charming. The plot was obvious but well-paced, and the director seemed to be doing a Sam Raimi thing (seriously, every shot is a pushed-in Dutch angle, like an Evil Dead for kids) which was a lot of fun. Honestly, I was shocked I enjoyed it as much as I did.
6. American Animals (2018) – 3 out of 4 stars
This was a really interesting take on the true-story genre, by having the real people interviewed and spliced together with the actors. It felt like a long episode of a docuseries, and that isn’t a complaint. Really well acted, great story, and good direction come together to make a fascinating true crime movie about four losers who try to steal millions of dollars’ worth of rare books. Evan Peters was perfect in his role and should be in more feature films. The only issue, for me and my sister, was that it ends up a little dry towards the end. It lacks that energy and excitement that would otherwise award it a higher score in my book.
Really good reviews:
Robocop (1987) – 3.5 out of 4 stars
Does it get any more eighties than this? Blood and gore, a stop-motion robot that makes tiger sounds and falls down a flight of stairs, crime fighting one-liners, a toxic goo man exploding; it’s just the best. This was, of course, not my first viewing, but my sister was giggling through the whole screening like a child. And its hard not to; this is the quintessential action movie of that era. The plot is simple and easy to understand, the bad guys are literal cartoon characters, and everything feels like it had a bump of cocaine before hitting the set. If I have any real complaints, I do think the tone wavers between having fun and being super dark, and that can alienate some viewers, so I can’t quite give it a perfect four. Sorry everyone.
2. Deep Blue Sea (1999) – 3.5 out of 4 stars
I love bad shark movies, and every time I watch this one, I make up the same story: a studio went to the director and said, “Hey, here’s a bunch of money, makes something like Jaws for the summer, it’ll make a shitload of money. Here’s a treatment script and all the budget you need. Do whatever you want.” And boy howdy did they do whatever the fuck they wanted. So many bait and switch moments to subvert our expectations, like Sam Jackson getting eaten mid-speech, or the lead heroine attempting to save they day and being eaten alive pointlessly in the last five minutes. If you’ve never watched it, you just have to. Don’t you want to see LL Cool J kill a giant shark in a flooded kitchen with a zippo lighter? Of course you do.
3. Prisoners (2013) – 3.5 out of 4 stars
Although it doesn’t fully explore the depths of each mystery, this is a brilliantly acted, tense thriller from the incredible Denis Villeneuve, who since joining Hollywood simply hasn’t directed a bad movie. Move the hell over JJ Abrams, we got a real storyteller here, one who doesn’t fancy himself a great writer, instead taking good scripts and elevating them into even better movies. This is a great, dark story that tackles the unending grief of having a child abducted, and the lengths you’d go in order to get them back.
4. The Invitation (2015) – 3.5 out of 4 stars
A claustrophobic, anxiety-inducing thriller starring a relatively unknown cast of actors (aside from the two male leads). The director utilizes one location with such skill, and gives really strong motivation for the protagonist to move this horror story that uses social anxiety, grief, and coping with loss to inspire scares. This was another not-first time for me, and I loved it just as much if not more. If I had to pick at it, I’ll say that some of the side characters (the friend group) could have used a little more fleshing out before everything starts to get weird.
5. La La Land (2016) – 3.5 out of 4 stars
There isn’t much to say that hasn’t already been said about this one, but I loved it just the same. I remember seeing it in theaters, my musical-loving girlfriend dragging me along, and me dreading it. I even snuck a beer into the theater to try and deal. Four years later, everything that was wonderful about it still is: the music is brilliant; the chemistry between the leads is exceptional. It’s a typical Hollywood-jerking-itself-off story, sure, but I enjoyed the themes of following your dreams becoming something you weren’t prepared for and having to sacrifice one kind of happiness for another. The ending is solid too. Quick question though – is this a musical, in the true sense of the word? My girlfriend says no. And after watch Hairspray (which I hated), that seems to be the case. Please let me know.
6. Bad Education (2020) – 3.5 out of 4 stars
The best Hugh Jackman performance since Prisoners. A gripping, dark, and hilarious true story written by a guy who watched it unfold in person, this movie details the absurdity of embezzlement through a wealthy Long Island education system. The dialogue was slick, the acting perfect, and the direction actually very empathetic to all of the characters. It was a rare case of the film not really taking any side; almost bipartisan, like a documentary. This is rare for me in that I wish it was a little bit longer; I was hoping for more scenes of the aftermath, maybe the future, but what we got works just as well.
7. Looper (2012) – 3.5 out of 4 stars
A great interpretation of the future blended with the fun of 20th century organized crime. Rian Johnson has proven with Knives Out that The Last Jedi was some kind of fluke, because he really is a good storyteller. And, since people only rip his writing abilities, he’s a great director as well. This movie could have fallen into a million cliché traps, but it doesn’t; it has its own vision and voice, and in a world with endless science fiction trash, it’s very refreshing. I can’t call it perfect; Bruce Willis has a scene that basically tells the audience to ignore the time travel stuff because it doesn’t make sense; I respect this, but wouldn’t it be great if the emotional core of the script could make more sense? But bonus points for good humor, Rian’s got that down (aside from in Star Wars).
Perfect Scores
There Will Be Blood (2007) – 4 out of 4 stars
One of the most modern and compelling westerns I’ve ever seen (although no gunslingers here). Of course, Daniel Day Lewis is to thank for bringing the character Daniel Plainview to life; watching a hardworking, blue-collar miner become a twisted, wealthy, and ultimately soulless oil tycoon is breathtaking. The first half hour of the movie has almost no dialogue at all, and as time begins to pass and the characters develop, the dialogue that emerges is nearly unrivaled in today’s cinema (except maybe with The Lighthouse). The ending is worth the price of admission (which is free, if you have Netflix), and once you’re done with you’re screening, you too will be hollering “I am a false profit, and God is a superstition!”
2. Fargo (1996) – 4 out of 4 stars
Sarcastic and witty, this is the definitive Cohen Brothers screenplay. The performances (and accents) are now as iconic as Steve Buscemi being jammed into a woodchipper. The setup of the film, and lack of any kind of explanation for why William H. Macy is such a scumbag, only makes the story feel more manic, more off-the-wall. Everything is fine-tuned to make you laugh, while also intrigued as to what will become of all these pedantic, silly people. If by some miracle you haven’t already, give it a watch.
3. Rango (2011) – 4 out of 4 stars
It is absolutely, positively, fucking criminal that no one ever talks about this film. Much like everyone here, I’d never seen it before (free on Amazon Prime), and after three minutes I was hooked. The visual style, the cinematography, the bizarre photorealistic characters; it’s perfect. It’s oozing with style, with an amazing script jammed with jokes and a smooth-talking Johnny Depp as the lead, along with a great ensemble class. I’d wager to say that this is one of the best, if not the best, 3D animated film of the last decade. Hell, of the twenty-first century. This movie is what would happen if Disney or Pixar grew some balls and did something different for a change (whoops, controversial!)
4. Whiplash (2014) – 4 out of 4 stars
Damian Chazelle is a master of his craft; this much is clear from his debut fucking feature. Seriously, this movie has an intensity to it, and it achieves that by hijacking the spirit of jazz and injecting it with liquid stress. I normally hate Miles Teller (this is completely a personal judgement), but he was perfect for the role. I totally bought him as this young, doughy-faced college sophomore desperate for approval in a world that could give a shit about him. J.K. Simmons rides that line of being hammy and terrifying, and the direction is sublime. Chazelle is one to watch in the next few decades for sure.
5. The Witch (2015) – 4 out of 4 stars
So, I’ve seen this like five times now. It’s still amazing. What a first feature; I’m sure Robert Eggers thought, “Yeah, let’s make it a period piece with era-correct speech and fill it with themes of abandoning belief and existential dread, people will love it.” Spoilers though, only weirdos like you and me do. Our spouses and significant others look over at us, shake their heads, and say, “What the fuck is this?” That won’t stop me from singing its praises though; this is the ideally structured horror movie, with a captivating cast, script, and vision of survival in the seventeenth century. Really makes you think that being quarantined isn’t so bad after all (unless you're trapped with Black Phillip).
6. The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017) – 4 out of 4 stars
This is probably one of the most uncomfortable horror movies I’ve seen in a long time; it’s so bizarre, in fact, I’m pretty sure no one liked it or even bothered to see it. It made some pathetic number, way below its budget, during a short theatrical run, and then faded away into A24’s catalog. But I beg you, if you like psychological horror, slow burns, great writing, and being unsettled, please see this film. The dialogue is delivered by each actor robotically, in this unnatural tone that at first seems like a mistake; it could be easy to dismiss this as “weird” by non-horror fans. The film only becomes more nightmarish as the story builds towards its climax. Also, points for such an utterly strange plot that, for once in a horror movie, doesn’t feel like a retread of other, better films.
7. Thoroughbreds (2017) – 4 out of 4 stars
Talk about some of the best dialogue in the last decade. This movie is so simple, and both lead actresses are stunning in their portrayals of two complete sociopaths. Anton Yelchin gives his final performance and he steals every scene he’s in (as usual), and I was really impressed with just how sad his character made me feel. This loser selling drugs to teens while he’s in his mid-twenties, desperately working for something better doing the only thing he knows how. It’s really fun to see his tough guy persona melt in front of our leads, who despite looking like innocent high school girls, are planning a literal murder. If you want a thriller with great characters and gut-punching twists, this is the movie for you.
8. Booksmart (2019) – 4 out of 4 stars
Oh, happy day, a comedy that (almost) doesn’t star washed up SNL alumni (Jason Sudeikis gets a pass for being married to the director). Look, I’m not saying that every poorly directed, badly lit, bland film featuring endless improve from people that used to be funny can’t be good, but they usually aren’t. Instead, this movie takes the plain and simple coming of age story and tells it again, this time with millennials and stellar writing. And the best part? You don’t know any of the main character’s actors. They aren’t Will Ferrell or Adam Sandler. You don’t have to pretend they're real people and not movie stars. The leads are hysterical, their adventure is unique and filled with heart, and all the supporting cast are incredible. This isn’t just funny; it’s earnest, and it actually means something.
9. Vampire’s Kiss (1989) – 4 out of 4 stars
Okay, okay, here me out: you know that meme with Nic Cage, where his eyes are bugging out? How about that clip where he recites the alphabet in full while shouting at his therapist? Yeah, that’s this fucking movie. Never in my life, not since The Evil Dead 2, have I fallen in love with something so funny, so ahead of its time, that rides the line between utter garbage and secret masterpiece. And just like The Evil Dead 2, this is as masterpiece. You got Nic Cage doing what sounds like a Donald Trump impression, mechanical bats, Nic Cage eating a live cockroach, Nic Cage covered in blood with fake vampire fangs and a wooden stake begging New Yorkers to kill him. This movie was a failure when it was made, but I swear to god, it was made thirty years too early. Or maybe I’m just crazy.
10. Cop Car (2015) – 4 out of 4 stars
Add this to the list of great movies no one has ever seen but is actually streaming on Netflix. I clicked on this on a total whim, knowing nothing about it, and was beyond surprised. Every shot looks like it could have been principle photography for No Country for Old Men, except the two lead actors are literally children under the age of twelve. Now, normally, kids are terrible in films, between a lack of acting ability, and writers that don’t understand them. This movie nails how kids actually think. It’s not that they’re stupid, they’re learning; and on the way, they develop their own kid logic that, during this film, is enough to get them to steal a cop car in an empty field. Kevin Bacon is a wonderful villain, and the story was so twisty that I couldn’t even guess ahead. Please give this more love, it deserves it.
Jeez, that was a lot. Thanks for reading everyone! I apologize if I ragged on a movie you like, remember that this is just my opinion and you're allowed yours as well. Stay safe!